So I find this image of praying hands and the first thing that I think is man why aren't my own nails painted so that I could have just taken a picture of them :) Already I am distracting myself from my own blog!
On Sunday the message in church was on vengeance. My first thoughts were well I will file some of this stuff away because I am not a vengeful person. Oh contraire sassy...there are actually subtle forms of vengeance. Hmm, I didn't know this. Alright I am listening, please continue..the speaker proceeds to talk about how avoidance, holding a grudge, suppression, and tearing people apart with your words are all forms of subtle vengeance. I leaned over to my friend and said I don't think I want to hear anymore today because I am becoming convicted. Isn't that so typical, go to church to learn something and I want out the moment it gets personal. Instead of avoidance we should engage with the people we are pushing away. Holding a grudge is not doing anyone any good so just let go. Suppressing our frustrations allows for things to build up to volatile levels so you should speak up when you are hurt or frustrated. Instead of tearing each other apart we should be lifting each other up and encouraging one another.
As I left church this message weighed heavy on my heart. Having 3 out of 4 didn't seem like a good thing but the bigger question was what did I need to do about it??? The biggest point I walked away with on Sunday was that if we harbor these things in our hearts we aren't allowing Christ into those places. He begs us to let go of all these things and allow in Him. My thoughts were geez Lord, do you want everything! Why can't I keep some of these things? That isn't what He desires from us. He wants everything that we have...the good, the bad, and the down right disgusting.
So last night I prayed a very dangerous prayer. I asked God if He would reveal those parts of my heart that I have tried to lock Him out of, to bring to the surface things in my life that need to be replaced with Him, and to give me the strength to deal with this process. Before I said those words I asked myself are you really ready to invite Him in to those inner rooms? Are you ready to have your life drastically changed by what He has planned for you? So with a deep breath I began to pray...
