Monday, September 10, 2012

What are you reflecting?


So as a sassfabulous girl who is trapped in scrubs on the weekdays when I actually go out on the weekends I like to dress up. Whether I am catching a movie, going to dinner, or hitting up the dance floor with my girls I like to kick my fashion up a notch. Now like I stated previously I wear scrubs to work so this isn't a big challenge! I like to think of myself as a princess and have the tiara tattoo to prove it.

Every since I was a little girl I have liked to play dress up. Probably because since the age of four I was involved in dance class. Costumes became my after school clothes. Once my mother allowed me to pack my own suitcase to visit my granny and promptly after being dropped off my mother received a call from my granny to please bring me some real clothes the next day because I had only packed costumes! As time has gone on my style has evolved from that little girl in dance costumes to a woman who is laid back casual to all out glam. My love of the sparkly has never faltered. One area that I really have only a small amount of knowledge is make-up. Looking at all those colors and brushes almost sends me into a mild anxiety attack.



Fortunately I have been blessed with friends to guide me along the way but my favorite ally is the instruction cards that come in the make-up kits. Even though it takes a few tries before I can get it just right, the cards are there to guide and teach me how to apply my lovely new products. So the other day when I was following my instructions I had a little God thought. I love it when He speaks to me through everyday things in my life. Wouldn't it be great to break out instruction cards every time something happened to me. Step by step instructions on exactly how to handle life. Navigating each curve that comes our way and knowing exactly which materials and tools are necessary to get the job done.  Well unfortunately there isn't a step by step instruction card but we do have the Bible to help us navigate through life. The Bible is full of information for every occasion: how to treat others, deal with anger or disappointment, having faith through the tough times, rejoicing with each other and many more. Just like the cards instruct me on how to apply make-up correctly the Bible can be applied to any situation that I face in life.

One of the greatest things that I like to do before going out on the town is turning on some music and all the girls getting ready together. Asking each other's advice on what eye shadow goes with this dress, how to wear our hair, or do you have earrings that I can borrow? God created us for fellowship to help encourage and support each other through life. For those circumstances where we are unclear on the instructions and we need to listen to advice from others. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." Often times we are in the habit of tearing each other and ourselves down and this is not what God calls us to do.  Think of all the effort that we put into our appearance: washing our faces, day time moisturizer, night time moisturizer, eye brow maintenance, styling our hair....the list goes on and on. What would we look like if we put half the effort that we do into what we look like on the outside, to what we look like on the inside. We are called to reflect God's love, grace and mercy. What steps are we taking to make sure that our spiritual reflection is something that others want to look at and admire.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Hope...the accessory that goes with everything!

So this blog entry is a complete confessional of where I was a couple of weeks ago. Our lives our journeys that have ups and downs and ups and down...it's how we view each adventure and the lessons that we walk away with that truly shape the person we are becoming.

Feeling overwhelmed with life over the past few months would seem like an understatement. However in true BCB fashion I like to pretend like I can do everything and not need anyone's help in the process. I am not quite sure when my superhero complex started but I truly think that I wear an invisible tiara and cape everyday and can face any challenge. Since going back to school it has become a learning process of how to balance work, school, social life, and not to mention my DVR! Last semester was the toughest I have had to face yet. I was taking a Psychology and Philosophy class, the Philosophy class required any where from 15-20 hours of work a week! Now did I mention that I still work full time and like to sleep...this was not working into my schedule. I just kept telling myself that it was only 8 weeks and I could survive anything for 8 weeks. I should also mention the fact that when I don't get enough sleep or downtime I can get cranky...mama needs her occasional naps!

 Well I finally made it to the final week, just a few more days and I  would have this semester behind me. Then one of the most tragic and devastating things happened to me..my beloved Buffy died.




 I came home from work and she was the type of cat that would always meet me at the door. For some reason I just knew something was off that day but when I came home I just knew. I rushed to my bedroom and looked under my bed...there she was lying so still... I called her name and nothing. She was taking gasping breaths and I knew that she was dying. The luxury you don't have when you live alone is the opportunity to freak out or fall apart. I had to snap myself together and come up with a plan. I took her to the vet because I couldn't watch her die and didn't want her to suffer. When the vet took her back to put her to sleep she actually took her last breath...of course I had to make a joke and say thanks Buffy for not giving me a final vet bill. I made it all the way to the car before I lost it, it's like my brain went numb and I couldn't even think. Now I have three days to finish the hardest semester I have had so far and my brain doesn't work. A part of me had to push aside the mental breakdown that I wanted to have and deserved to have until I could get this work finished. I was able to finish only through the strength of God with about an hour to spare, managed an A in Psychology and a B in Philosophy.

I had no idea how hard I would take Buffy dying...we had been together for 13 years. She was my companion in life since I was 19 years old. She was a constant in my life. We had been through everything together. Everyday she would meet me at the door and sleep next to me every night. You take for granted the constant things in your life. Her meow was interesting to say the least...it was more like a bird chirping. My home is now so quiet. Some days I just think that she is sleeping in another room. An interesting aspect has been my other cat Templeton and his grieving. I truly think that he is depressed that his best friend isn't around. Together we are getting through it..I know there are traces of a crazy cat lady inside of me but I believe that pets are the furry family that we choose. They are always there for us no matter what.

So into a depression I slid, through overwhelming circumstances and the loss of Buffy I was in a state where I didn't really care. I mean I would continue to go through the motions of work and school even conversations with friends but my sparkle had dimmed. I knew it was still in there but didn't have the energy or desire to try and find it.I knew that the devil was throwing a party at my behavior. A couple of weeks ago I went to church for the first time in a month. You see when I withdraw it's from everyone..God included. Which is really silly because can we really run from God...no!

During the sermon the pastor was talking about our storms in life. He shared with us some scripture in Romans 5:1-5 "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[ have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we] also glory in our sufferings,because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." In that moment I realized that I wasn't just in funk but I had actually allowed myself to get in a state of hopelessness.


Since moving to Atlanta I can't say that things have turned out exactly the way that I thought. Didn't work for the first seven months and then the doctor who moved me up here quit and our work dynamic completely changed. I set way to high of expectations on myself as well in what I was going to do when I moved to Atlanta. A good  friend of mine say that expectations are just preconceived disappointments..he is completely true! I had allowed several circumstances to steal my hope. Where are we without hope? In a very bad place. The verses in Romans reminded me that our times of suffering produces character, which produces perseverance, which produces hope. If there is one thing I can always remain hopeful in is God's promises. God uses difficult times in our lives to draw us closer to Him not withdraw. When I could settle this truth in my heart my attitude changed. Nothing in my life is any different than the day before except for the place that my mind and heart are in, the hope and joy that I have in the Lord will sustain me through whatever may lie ahead. Everyday I have to remind myself to spend time with the Lord. Either through devotionals, music, or prayer. He longs for us to have an intimate relationship with Him.I prayed asking Him to replace the loneliness, grief, depression, sadness, hopelessness in my heart with grace, truth, peace, joy and hope.  So of course after owning this truth my first thought was to get a tattoo...I mean isn't that the next logical step riiight!






The reason I felt compelled to get this tattoo was to remind me everyday who I need to have hope in...not others and especially not myself but in my glorious and amazing Father and Lord! It represents the infinite hope that we can have in God and His promises for each of us. I am not under any delusional ideas that I will not be overwhelmed or struggle in life again but I am confident that I won't go through it alone and that it always plays a part in God's  plan for my life.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

A colorful mess...

Recently I participated in the Color Run. A charity run for a local children's hospital in which you start off wearing a white shirt and throughout the 5K you get hit with four different colors and during the finale about every other color imaginable! We had a team of four called "The Amazing Grace" in honor of Easter weekend. As you can see we started off looking so clean and cute.


Now this isn't one of those serious 5K's where you are trying to finish first. The purpose is more to have fun and support a good cause. Our team was determined to walk away a hot colorful mess. First through the yellow station, then green, pink, and finally purple. We let them throw it straight in our faces, all over the front and back of us, as well as laying down in it. Ok so I was the only one who laid down in it but hey purple is my favorite color :) And then the finale was a countdown to color explosion. It was an intense haze of colored powder and you could barely see right in front of you until the dust settled.

  
Post Finale

Throughout the day I kept talking with Emily about how much fun we had on our adventure. Then God revealed to me an insight for what we experienced. I do love when He relates lessons to my everyday life. Just like in the Color Run we all start off looking pretty clean and cute. Then we start our race through life. Picking up color from the choices that we make and the lifestyle that we lead. Just like running through each color station we looked forward to what would happen and enjoyed it. Many things that we do in life seem like fun in the moment, however we walk away with an imprint of the choices we made or what happened to us. Moving right along to the next choice...each color layering itself on top of each other. In fact sometimes we really enjoy bad choices in life..wallowing in them just as I rolled around in the purple station. At one point I was so excited that I screamed during a color throw and got pink straight in my mouth! Now this was not an enjoyable part of the day. Same is true for life...we start off enjoying something and then some circumstance happens and changes our view. Most of the time we recover and move one. Sometimes we aren't so lucky. The finale scene was intense, you are all smashed together in a giant crowd and can barely hear yourself. Once the colors are thrown you can't even see right in front of you. Isn't life like that sometime?. You feel like you are lost in a crowd and can't see your way out...can't see until the dust settles.

Life is a race where we make decisions at every turn. Each choice leaves an impression on us and shapes who we become. After the Color Run I got to go home and get a shower to wash it all away. The only way to wash away all the stuff that sticks to us in life is to go to God and confess and allow Him to wash us clean. I was more mindful of this fact since the run was right before Easter.  I am one hot colored mess sometimes but I am truly blessed and grateful that the God I serve is always there to dust me off and send me on His way!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

A dangerous prayer...





So I find this image of praying hands and the first thing that I think is man why aren't my own nails painted so that I could have just taken a picture of them :) Already I am distracting myself from my own blog!

On Sunday the message in church was on vengeance. My first thoughts were well I will file some of this stuff away because I am not a vengeful person. Oh contraire sassy...there are actually subtle forms of vengeance. Hmm, I didn't know this. Alright I am listening,  please continue..the speaker proceeds to talk about how avoidance, holding a grudge, suppression, and tearing people apart with your words are all forms of subtle vengeance. I leaned over to my friend and said I don't think I want to hear anymore today because I am becoming convicted. Isn't that so typical, go to church to learn something and I want out the moment it gets personal. Instead of avoidance we should engage with the people we are pushing away. Holding a grudge is not doing anyone any good so just let go. Suppressing our frustrations allows for things to build up to volatile levels so you should speak up when you are hurt or frustrated. Instead of tearing each other apart we should be lifting each other up and encouraging one another. 

As I left church this message weighed heavy on my heart. Having 3 out of 4 didn't seem like a good thing but the bigger question was what did I need to do about it??? The biggest point I walked away with on Sunday was that if we harbor these things in our hearts we aren't allowing Christ into those places. He begs us to let go of all these things and allow in Him. My thoughts were geez Lord, do you want everything! Why can't I keep some of these things? That isn't what He desires from us. He wants everything that we have...the good, the bad, and the down right disgusting.

So last night I prayed a very dangerous prayer. I asked God if He would reveal those parts of my heart that I have tried to lock Him out of, to bring to the surface things in my life that need to be replaced with Him, and to give me the strength to deal with this process. Before I said those words I asked myself are you really ready to invite Him in to those inner rooms? Are you ready to have your life drastically changed by what He has planned for you? So with a deep breath I began to pray...

Saturday, January 7, 2012

25 Things You Don't Know About Me



My first blog of the new year will be a tribute to my favorite magazine..US Weekly!  Love the segment where stars list 25 things you may or may not know about them so here's my list...


1.   I am addicted to reality TV i.e. Real Housewives, Toddlers and Tiaras, Jerseylicious.
2.   I am afraid of sharks but would like to do a cage dive.
3.   I love to tap dance.
4.   I have an L6...most people only have 5 lumbar vertebrae.
5.   I love to watch Disney cartoons...even if there aren't any kids around.
6.   As I kid I wanted a white tiger as a pet.
7.   My dream vacation would be to Bora Bora.
8.   For my 30th birthday one of my parties was a the skating rink!
9.   I hate horror movies, can't even watch the commercials.
10.    My love language is sarcasm.
11.   My two favorite TV series are Buffy the Vampire slayer and Gilmore Girls.
12.   I have to chew gum when I do cardio.
13.   Jaws scared me so bad as a kid that I was afraid to sleep in my water bed, to this day I    
        still hear the music when I am in the ocean.
14.   I sometimes wear a tiara while I clean my apartment.
15.   I have a shoe obsession! 
16.   I love to do a double feature at the movies, popcorn is a great substitute for dinner.
17.   If I weren't afraid of the dark I would be a spy.
18.   I am allergic to Degree deodorant.
19.   I have stage fright... love to sing but can't do it solo in front of a crowd.
20.   I love to take pictures.
21.   I think I was a mermaid in a past life...love to swim!
22.   I love to arrange flowers and if I ever had a floral shop I would name it the Petal    
        Princess.
23.  I like to start IV's on people...most of my patients refer to me as a vampire.
24.   My first car was a red 64 1/2 red mustang.
25.   I dream of writing a book one day about how to be a sassy confident woman of God.