A dangerous prayer...

So I find this image of praying hands and the first thing that I think is man why aren't my own nails painted so that I could have just taken a picture of them :) Already I am distracting myself from my own blog!

On Sunday the message in church was on vengeance. My first thoughts were well I will file some of this stuff away because I am not a vengeful person. Oh contraire sassy...there are actually subtle forms of vengeance. Hmm, I didn't know this. Alright I am listening,  please continue..the speaker proceeds to talk about how avoidance, holding a grudge, suppression, and tearing people apart with your words are all forms of subtle vengeance. I leaned over to my friend and said I don't think I want to hear anymore today because I am becoming convicted. Isn't that so typical, go to church to learn something and I want out the moment it gets personal. Instead of avoidance we should engage with the people we are pushing away. Holding a grudge is not doing anyone any good so just let go. Suppressing our frustrations allows for things to build up to volatile levels so you should speak up when you are hurt or frustrated. Instead of tearing each other apart we should be lifting each other up and encouraging one another. 

As I left church this message weighed heavy on my heart. Having 3 out of 4 didn't seem like a good thing but the bigger question was what did I need to do about it??? The biggest point I walked away with on Sunday was that if we harbor these things in our hearts we aren't allowing Christ into those places. He begs us to let go of all these things and allow in Him. My thoughts were geez Lord, do you want everything! Why can't I keep some of these things? That isn't what He desires from us. He wants everything that we have...the good, the bad, and the down right disgusting.

So last night I prayed a very dangerous prayer. I asked God if He would reveal those parts of my heart that I have tried to lock Him out of, to bring to the surface things in my life that need to be replaced with Him, and to give me the strength to deal with this process. Before I said those words I asked myself are you really ready to invite Him in to those inner rooms? Are you ready to have your life drastically changed by what He has planned for you? So with a deep breath I began to pray...

25 Things You Don't Know About Me

My first blog of the new year will be a tribute to my favorite magazine..US Weekly!  Love the segment where stars list 25 things you may or may not know about them so here's my list...


1.   I am addicted to reality TV i.e. Real Housewives, Toddlers and Tiaras, Jerseylicious.
2.   I am afraid of sharks but would like to do a cage dive.
3.   I love to tap dance.
4.   I have an L6...most people only have 5 lumbar vertebrae.
5.   I love to watch Disney cartoons...even if there aren't any kids around.
6.   As I kid I wanted a white tiger as a pet.
7.   My dream vacation would be to Bora Bora.
8.   For my 30th birthday one of my parties was a the skating rink!
9.   I hate horror movies, can't even watch the commercials.
10.    My love language is sarcasm.
11.   My two favorite TV series are Buffy the Vampire slayer and Gilmore Girls.
12.   I have to chew gum when I do cardio.
13.   Jaws scared me so bad as a kid that I was afraid to sleep in my water bed, to this day I    
        still hear the music when I am in the ocean.
14.   I sometimes wear a tiara while I clean my apartment.
15.   I have a shoe obsession! 
16.   I love to do a double feature at the movies, popcorn is a great substitute for dinner.
17.   If I weren't afraid of the dark I would be a spy.
18.   I am allergic to Degree deodorant.
19.   I have stage fright... love to sing but can't do it solo in front of a crowd.
20.   I love to take pictures.
21.   I think I was a mermaid in a past life...love to swim!
22.   I love to arrange flowers and if I ever had a floral shop I would name it the Petal    
        Princess.
23.  I like to start IV's on people...most of my patients refer to me as a vampire.
24.   My first car was a red 64 1/2 red mustang.
25.   I dream of writing a book one day about how to be a sassy confident woman of God.

One year later....

Last week I celebrated my first year in Atlanta. Looking back over the past twelve months it seems like a blur at times. Now I can laugh at how horrible my movers were…I figure if you can come out on the other side with a good story anything is worth going through! My first night in Atlanta was spent on an air mattress in an empty apartment. At that point I didn’t even have the energy to care and just enjoyed laying in front of a fire and praying that I got some rest. After I got settled in we had the EPIC snow storm of 2011. For the first time in my life I was snowed in. This may sound crazy but I will take a hurricane any day...they have a path, you have time to come up with a plan, and to evacuate or not but snow just looks pretty (I mean doesn't it look amazing in that pic) but there is an underlying danger if you try to leave. Needless to say winter and I were not the best of friends. I am now better equipped to handle an actual winter with proper accessories. I have learned to layer and my scarf and coat collection has grown. I mean let’s be honest every situation really comes down to the accessories, right!

One of the best things I did upon moving was get involved in a church. I knew this is where I would meet my new community. After all I am a social creature you can’t have me in solitary for too long! I immediately joined a small group and participated in other events to meet new people. One of the strangest things to me in moving was the emotional response. I have often joked that God was putting me through emotional boot camp, to make up for all those years hiding my feelings. When I would leave small group I would sometimes cry on the way home because I missed “my people”. Then I would pep talk myself by saying what is wrong with you, get it together woman, this is where you live now and you have got to make it work! Having extra time on my hands didn’t help either…way too much time to think about anything and everything. The number one lesson that I learned from this whole experience was that I was far too dependent on myself and my relationships in Gainesville. Realizing that I need to be dependent on God through everything has changed my life. Knowing that He is always there no matter where I go has become a great comfort and confidence for me. Stepping out in trust and faith has only strengthened my relationship with God and I know that He has me in Atlanta for a reason bigger than I can even imagine.

My friends laugh when I use my tag line for 2011 “Well the older I get the less I want to put up with the drama.” Life is too short to make a big deal out of nothing or not give something that is important enough attention. Cherish the friends and family that you have in your life. If you love somebody tell them, if you miss somebody tell them, don’t assume people know how you feel if you can’t even own up to it. Granted this is a scary thing sometimes but you should let people know if they are important to you.  God has blessed me with some pretty amazing people. Ones who I can laugh, cry, and be myself with, that is what is it really all about. To surround yourself with people that you actually want to have in your life.  Every relationship is work and it’s up to each person to decide how much they want to invest. As 2011 comes to a close and I start my second year in Atlanta I have no doubts that I am in for another gloriously bumpy ride.

Commissioned as a hope mentor!

Last week I was finally commissioned as a hope mentor through my church. The process involved a lengthy application and interview. It took me half a day to fill out the application. Beyond wanting to know how I grew up and things that I have deal with in my life they asked your views on certain subjects. Not only your views but they wanted you to provide scripture to back up your beliefs. Well I know what I believe but I am not always certain of where to locate that in the Bible so thankfully I have an awesome book..."Find it Fast in the Bible" :) During the interview I was nervous but of course trying to appear oh so confident. At one point I picked up my glass of water and all my nervous energy was challenged into my left hand and the glass was shaking all the way to my mouth, needless to say no more water for the remainder of the interview! First round passed and now on to 10 weeks worth of training.

I learned so much on how to be a better mentor through this program. I also learned so much more about myself and my own issues. Throughout our lives we are shaped by our environment and much of what shapes us happens in our childhoods. Through this training I have been able to take down a few bricks of the wall that I have built over the years. We all develop certain beliefs that are false. Some examples of these are I must prove that I am right to know I am of worth, I must control my circumstances to be secure, emotions always represent truth, I do not measure up, I am inadequate, or others are to blame how I feel. Once we recognize our own false beliefs they must be replaced with God's truth. I can do all things through Christ, my value and worth are found in Christ, God has made me and accepted me, and I am chosen, righteous, holy, a saint: a new creation are just some of God's loving truths.  I find that when I let my false beliefs take over I have to repeat God's truth like a mantra. Take a few deep breaths and realize where my identity, worth, and help come from.

This week I met with my first care receiver (this is the person wanting to be mentored) and it was awesome! I truly felt God's spirit there guiding the conversation and I can't wait to be a part of her journey. Leaving our first meeting I was affirmed once again by God that this is what He wants from me. Everything that I have experienced over the past ten years has lead me to this place. To experience a moment of clarity where you realize that this is something that God actually created you for is beyond words. We are all new creations when we accept Christ into our lives and have a purpose. What a privilege to partner with God in changing peoples lives. God is in the business of changing people not me. It is only through His guidance and support that I am able to serve in this role.

Beginning of School

So I am starting my third week of school.  The Sunday before the first night I felt like I was back in elementary school...so excited for the next day, can't really go to sleep, wondering what will it be like...however I did not sleep in my clothes like I used to when I was in kindergarten! I couldn't wait to get done with work so that I could go home and log in for school.  As I sit here typing that it seem strange, to log in for school?!?

My, oh my school has changed in the past ten years.  I used to attend classes and have discussion with my classmates now it is done through discussion boards.  Assignments are posted on the web instead of the blackboard. However the program for accessing your classes is actually called Blackboard, go figure! Listening to my professor lecture is through a video instead of in person.  One thing that I do love about online school is the liberty to work at my own pace.  I am learning to be disciplined and put some things aside...such as my TV shows.  Some days my DVR is busting at the seams! I have come to the realization that I watch WAY too much TV..however this isn't changing my show choices but it has opened my eyes to the things that I spend time on.

My first two classes are Theology and Apologetics.  It is nice to be able to explore my faith deeper and learn ways to defend it.  God is teaching me so many things through this journey and I and taking it week by week.  Allowing Him to have control over the situation.  I know pursuing education towards a new career is totally God inspired because I have had a passion ignited for learning.  I never wanted to go back to school and have to study but I find myself craving to learn each lesson. My vocabulary is also expanding. I had to download a dictionary app on my phone since I have to look up about 5-10 words per week that I don't know.  Three of my new favorite words are prolegomena, volitional, and propitiation.  God is also teaching me to prioritize my time...I actually woke up early the other day to read since I wanted to go out of town for the weekend.  Nothing but G-O-D could get me out of bed early!

Life Remodel...please pardon the dust

A few weeks ago I came home from church and God said hey let's have a chat.  My first thought was ok I have a feeling this is going to be a big one.  Last "chat" we had  God told me to pack up and move hundreds of miles away from my home to Atlanta. Step one of this life altering journey. Moving was such a whirlwind experience. After months of contract negotiations my job was secure and it was time to move...in just 6 weeks! Did I mention it was in the middle of the holiday season.  God always likes to make things a little more interesting. So here I was in a new town...just me and God. I knew that God had moved me here for more than a job. He had a bigger plan for me.  Within the 1st month I started attending Buckhead church and joined a small group. I knew that getting into a small group was essential for my survival.  I am a social creature  and can only stay at home watching reality TV for so long.

Month after month goes by and I patiently waiting on the big reveal for my relocation.  At this point I am missing my life in Gainesville, FL.  I had lived there for 12 years since college and had made friends who I consider family and developed a life there.  Why did I have to move to keep waiting? Why I ask...the answer was so that I could develop my relationship with God.  I no longer had a hundred distractions that would silence His voice.  He was teaching me how to be dependent on Him.  I have always been a very good at being dependent on myself. That's probably the middle child in me but to depend on someone else is a much harder task. 

God said to me...BCB I want you to spend some time with you this afternoon.  What else can you say but yes. It's not like I could tell the Lord weeellll can we do this in like an hour or so I have Toddler and Tiaras and Housewives on DVR and I really want to catch on my shows. No, not really an option. He then proceeds to reveal to me that He wants me to go back to school. Umm excuse me (twisting my finger in my ear) did I hear you correctly? Yes after 10 years of graduating college as a nuclear medicine technologist He wants me to go back and pursue a degree in christian counseling.  I firmly believe that God has been preparing me for that exact moment over the past 10 years.  All the the counseling and mentoring I have done has shaped this passion.  I want people to understand that their identity and worth comes from Christ.

It is amazing that God had to move me into solitary confinement to get me to truly listen. There is no more of an opportune time to go on this adventure than now.  I am not over committed or too busy like I was in Gainesville.  I have the time now to truly devote to going back to school.  So here I am walking down a path that God had planned for me all along. 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

God declares that He has plans for us. The key is having a deep relationship with Him and allowing Him to guide our everyday lives.  Amazing what happens when you quit focusing on the puzzle pieces and step back to take a look at the whole thing.  So starting September 19, I will begin my first college class in ten years at Liberty University in their online psychology program with an emphasis in christian counseling.  All the reservations I had about going back to school have been  pushed aside and replaced with excitement for this new phase in my life.   Told a friend the other day can you imagine all the things I will learn about counseling...her reply "are you going to start charging your friends for advice now?" Ha!!! 

Sparkle like you mean it!



A dear friend refers to me as her sparkly friend.  I know this reference comes from my love of accessories. I am a total magpie when it comes to something shiny.  Earrings, bracelets, rings, purses, shoes.....I have so many that I don't even try to count them and I continually bring home more.  You know because I need them lol! The reasons that I like sparkly things is because it makes me smile and therefore produces happiness and joy.

"I am the light of the world. Men crawl through their lives cursing the darkness, but all the while I am shining brightly. I desire each of My followers to be a light-bearer. The Holy Spirit who lives in you can shine from your face, makin Me visible to people around you, as you wend your way through this day. Hold my hand in joyful trust, for I never leave your side. The light of my presence is shining upon you. Brightnen up the world by reflecting who I am." Excerpt from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Did you know that God calls us to sparkle? The Holy Spirit lives inside us and because of this we can be a reflection of God.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16 NIV)

We are to be out for all the world to see relecting our Heavenly Father. As the verse says we are not supposed to keep this gift to ourselves.  We are supposed let our light shine...come on sing it with me....this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine :)

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  (John 8:12)

Jesus reminds us in John that whoever follows Him will never walk in darkness.  If there is one terrifying thing to me it is being in the dark.  So much so that I pretty much have a flashlight in about every room in my apartment just in case the lights go out.  Jesus is the light of the world and the more time that we spend with Him the more we focus on the light instead of the darkness.  We all go through some dark times in our lives. Life happens to us or because of us but we always have a choice as to how we react towards trials and tribulations in our lives.  What do you choose to focus on? Do you focus on your circumstances or the One who can get you through this time in your life? What we choose to focus on is the same thing that we are going to reflect to those around us.

Just as I could not go without at least one accessory on each day, I can't go through life without my Lord and Savior.  He is where I find my true identity and worth. So as you head out each day remember to sparkle like you mean it! Reflect God's light and love to the world around you.  You have no idea what a difference it will make in somebody's life.....especially your own.