Awakening

I recently have become obsessed with seeing the morning sun as I head to work. Generally I do not look to the sunrise with anticipation because that means that I have to get up early and I am most definitely a night owl!  However I have to go to work and with what I do I have to get up early..I have to get up while the sun is rising! When I turn the corner off my street and head to the main road the sun beams hit me directly in the face! Often times almost blinding me but what the bright shining sun reminds me of is God's presence and His power shining so bright down on us.  Take a look at some of the views that I am blessed with on my way to work.

Now here is the crazy part to me...all three of these pictures are completely different but they are all taken in the same location. What makes the big difference is timing...five minutes can change how the sky looks in the morning. Along with other scientific and atmospheric explanations but that is way above my pay grade! Each day brings awakening for us. There are several definitions for awakening:

• to wake up from sleep
• a revival of interest or attention
• to come or bring to an awareness; to become cognizant

The one that I want to focus on today is the third definition of becoming cognizant. The question that I have is how aware of you of God in your everyday life?

 I had an incredible experience this weekend in church. I was invited to hear a very special song called "Say Amen" and the spirit of the Lord was speaking to my heart during the first verse and chorus and let me preface a little before I reveal the next part of my story. I have always been self-conscious raising my arms in worship, whether thinking I would stand out or that my arms are too long to raise up because I would be blocking someone's view or whatever other silly reason that held me captive. There have been times that I have wanted to respond in worship by standing up or raising my arms and I (notice what word I just used "I") would always make up an excuse why I shouldn't or just ignore that voice that was prompting me. The Lord has been pursuing my heart hardcore over the past few months breaking down walls and barriers, that I spent many years building thank you very much hahaha, to get to my inner room. We all have an inner room it is where we are most vulnerable and there is no admittance unless you have the top level of security along with multiple references. Okay now back to my story...I am feeling the Holy Spirit stirring up something inside that inner room that longs to worship the Lord without any inhibitions. Well this time it was different. There wasn't a back and forth conversation/argument about responding to worship when the chorus rolled around...

"And if there's anybody here who's found Him faithful

Anybody here who knows He's able

Say Amen

And if there's anybody here who's seen His power

Anybody here brought through the fire

Say Amen

Anybody here found joy in the middle of sorrow

Peace in the storm, hope for tomorrow

And seen it time and time again

Then just Say AMEN!"

The next thing that I knew I was up on my feet with both my arms raised straight up in the air! There wasn't any time for hesitation it was almost like a reflex...God was calling to me and I answered as quickly as I could! Now once on my feet it was like the whole room had disappeared and it was just myself and the Lord. I felt so full of the Holy Spirit that I felt my legs start to shake and I had to open my eyes for a minute to make sure I wasn't gonna fall over! Sunday I had a divine encounter with our precious heavenly Father! This is a grand and beautiful example of how God uses things in our day to awaken us to His presence. Which leads me back to the question I asked earlier...how aware of God are you in your daily life? When we are in communication with God through our thoughts and prayers He will show up in the small and big ways but we have to be aware of His presence. Look for God's little love notes that He is leaving around for you all over the place. For example when you are running late for work and hit all the green lights...that's not luck it's God!  When you notice a beautiful sunrise or sunset..that's God sharing His beautiful creation with you! When you are having a bad day and someone comes along and offers you a kind word or a hug...that's God showing you love and compassion. Isaiah 41:10 says"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." God is all around us all the time but we have to be aware of Him. 

God desires an intimate relationship with Him and in order to grow in that relationship we need to spend time with Him. The more time that we spend with Him the deeper our relationship grows and our awareness opens up to all the wonderful things that He has for us.  I learned a formula in my college class for intimacy that was profound and so simple that I need to share it with you. 

Intimacy=honesty + vulnerability

Three simple words but a very hard assignment to take on sometimes. The first word honesty doesn't bother me too much since I am a pretty straight forward honest girl but the second one, yikes! Being vulnerable has risks but the benefits outweigh the risks when it comes to an intimate relationship with God because He will never manipulate, hurt, or leave us. Be on the lookout for God this week and notice how much He pursues a relationship with you!

Danger: Inner child running free

I just took a trip to Atlanta to visit with some friends and fulfill a dream of the 8 year old princess who lives inside of me...to see "The Little Mermaid" on stage! The show was amazing and as we were waiting for it to start I couldn't help but notice that I had a huge grin on my face waiting in anticipation of seeing Ariel swim across the stage! Not to mention that I had to look all over the theater to find the photo op with Ariel :)

Being there seeing mermaids swim, dancing crabs, and true love triumphing over all made me miss the days of when I was a kid. Now don't get me wrong my inner child runs pretty free most of the time enjoying life but take a step back with me for a minute. Remember when we were kids and each day was an adventure and for most of us all of our needs were met. We didn't go searching for the next big thing that would make our lives easier or finally get us recognized. For me my childhood days were spent playing Barbies with my sister or playing outside. Of course as children we don't have the responsibilities that we do as adults.When we "grow up" we have jobs, mortgages, car payments, and  for some a family. We don't have the luxury to just be care free. However there is one area of our lives that doesn't need to become too grown up and that is our faith. Now hold on before you get feisty with me and say that we don't have responsibilities in our faith because yes we absolutely do! We are also called to become mature in the Lord and pattern our lives after Him. What I am talking about is how we have complicated our faith so much. Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." When we were children we had to trust in our parents and until we became teenagers we really didn't question them. Well most of the time we didn't question them!  The same is true of our relationship with God. 

We must trust in Him with a child-like faith where we are so excited to see Him show up. When is the last time that you were sitting on the edge of your seat grinning waiting for God to come before you? The reality is that most of the time we are all too busy to notice that God is all around us. This weekend I was anticipating a particular event that I already had expectations of how I was going to respond. Most of us don't live our lives expecting God to show up or we only expect Him to show up when something really big is going on.  God is in our lives every single day and the sad part is that most people do not take the time to notice. I have been reading a book in my bible study called "Satisfy my thirsty soul" by Linda Dillow and it is amazing! She speaks about how worship is more than singing on a Sunday morning. True worship is being aware of God in every aspect of your life and allowing His presence to work in and through you. She talks about how worshiping God through our words, attitude, work, will, waiting, and pain only brings us into a closer relationship with God which is what He longs for. It astounds me how the creator of the heavens and earth, the Almighty powerful God wants to have an intimate personal relationship with me. How cool is that!!! 

Disney movies sell girls two very serious and enticing lies...perfect hair and fantasy true love. Seriously who wouldn't want to come straight out of the ocean with great hair or wake up looking like you just stepped out of the salon! The greatest love that we could ever experience is with our Heavenly Father. He accepts us no matter what and will always continue to love us. Now that is the perfect fairy tale ending... but it isn't a story it is the amazing truth of being in relationship with God. I have a challenge for anyone reading this blog..take the time to notice. Look around your home, work, church, Starbucks, mall, wherever you may be for God's presence. Instead of looking at things as luck start to change your mindset to blessings. When I hit all the green lights now I thank God for blessing me and allowing me to arrive on time. Change is most effective when starting small and feeling accomplished. So start with the small things and be amazed at how BIG our God is! 

Running from God

It has been quite a while since I have blogged and there are several reasons; none that are justifiable but I have several. In February I moved from Atlanta back to Gainesville. God gave me the opportunity over two years ago to transfer jobs to Atlanta. I thought that I was going up there to make a big difference either in someone’s life or through some organization but little did I know that God had a different and bigger plan for me. God opened the door for me to move to Atlanta to completely remove myself out of my comfort zone and have intense one on one time with Him. Let me tell you this was not an easy or pleasant process but a necessary one; learning so many things about who He is and about myself.

During my time in Atlanta I was separated from a life that I had created over 12 years in Gainesville. I had established myself in my job, my church, and my community of friends. Did you notice a recurring word in that last sentence??? MY! My life revolved around what I wanted to do and where I was comfortable. Even though God used me in many situations to grow and affect others my world was pretty safe. Relocating turned my life upside down. First of all when you move to a town where you don’t know anyone you have A LOT of time to spend with yourself and with God. My work environment started off rocky but then got better once we started our project. After a year the doctor who recruited me decided to leave…hmmm how did I feel about this? Well you know the basic range of emotions: anger, denial, confusion, betrayal just to name a few. I felt abandoned and deceived but still clung to the hope that God had me there for a purpose. The doctor who took over after that was a complete 180 from my previous boss and things started to decline rapidly at work. It got to the point where I had to convince myself to get out of bed and go to work. I felt like my soul died a little each day that I had to go there. I continued to pray and plead with God to show me what to do next. Do I leave and find another job in Atlanta or do I look to another town? God please show me what to do? I can’t make this decision without you. Experiencing one of the lowest points in my life I realized there is only one place to look and that is up. To look up to my heavenly Father for guidance, hoping and praying that I would hear an answer. The answer came six months later when my head boss told me that there was an opportunity to transfer back home to my old job. I was stunned into silence, which doesn’t happen very often to me. It seemed too good to be true and too easy. However a mentor of mine reminded me that this was an answer to my prayer.

While joy filled my heart that I would be able to go home and return to my community I knew that things had changed while I was gone and that I was a changed person. Returning from Atlanta I thought that I would snap right back into my old sassy self but with the state of depression my work situation had left me in the transition took longer than I anticipated. I felt as if I was working through some post traumatic disorder and figuring out how to recover and be myself again. My default is to shut down and go on auto pilot. Do what I need to but nothing above and beyond. It is funny to think of running from God when I wasn’t moving in any direction. Running is generally characterized my movement but when I run from God it is more in the form of ignoring Him. I sensed His presence and that He wanted to spend time with me but I had fear of what He will say to me or ask me to do. The fear comes from the obedience that has to take place if He does ask me to do something. It is so much easier to just tune Him or the world out by listening to music, taking a nap, or my personal favorite watching TV.  I am a master of ignoring everything when I am in the DVR zone! I know that TV is one of my greatest pleasures and one of my biggest distractions.  What a bratty child of God to hear Him want to spend time with me and yet, constantly coming up with excuses not to--Is there anyone greater to whom you should spend your time with??? I think not!

So I have a question-

If running from God doesn't burn any calories then why do we put forth all of the effort to do it? It all comes down to fear: fear that He will ask me to do something out of my comfort zone, fear that He will ask me to give up something that I have put importance on, or fear that He will ask me to change who I am to become who He wants me to be. True talk: we all are afraid! I am having to adjust my mind to be afraid of missing out on what God wants and has planned for me instead of being afraid of my world changing. The second greatest gift that God has given us (because the first is the gift of Christ and our salvation) is the people that He blesses our lives with. I have some of the most amazing and special people in my life who laugh or cry with me, push me when I am being spiritually lazy, and comfort me when I don’t understand. To have people in your life who love you for being you is an amazing gift. I am incredibly lucky for the people that God has blessed me with in my life. I can look at my future through hopeful eyes for all that He has in store for me. If I should forget I can always look to the scriptures for words of hope and promise from God, to my friends for encouragement, or even to my very own foot where I have a hope tattoo! I am such a stubborn child of God that I require tattoo reminders :)

What are you reflecting?

So as a sassfabulous girl who is trapped in scrubs on the weekdays when I actually go out on the weekends I like to dress up. Whether I am catching a movie, going to dinner, or hitting up the dance floor with my girls I like to kick my fashion up a notch. Now like I stated previously I wear scrubs to work so this isn't a big challenge! I like to think of myself as a princess and have the tiara tattoo to prove it.

Every since I was a little girl I have liked to play dress up. Probably because since the age of four I was involved in dance class. Costumes became my after school clothes. Once my mother allowed me to pack my own suitcase to visit my granny and promptly after being dropped off my mother received a call from my granny to please bring me some real clothes the next day because I had only packed costumes! As time has gone on my style has evolved from that little girl in dance costumes to a woman who is laid back casual to all out glam. My love of the sparkly has never faltered. One area that I really have only a small amount of knowledge is make-up. Looking at all those colors and brushes almost sends me into a mild anxiety attack.

Fortunately I have been blessed with friends to guide me along the way but my favorite ally is the instruction cards that come in the make-up kits. Even though it takes a few tries before I can get it just right, the cards are there to guide and teach me how to apply my lovely new products. So the other day when I was following my instructions I had a little God thought. I love it when He speaks to me through everyday things in my life. Wouldn't it be great to break out instruction cards every time something happened to me. Step by step instructions on exactly how to handle life. Navigating each curve that comes our way and knowing exactly which materials and tools are necessary to get the job done.  Well unfortunately there isn't a step by step instruction card but we do have the Bible to help us navigate through life. The Bible is full of information for every occasion: how to treat others, deal with anger or disappointment, having faith through the tough times, rejoicing with each other and many more. Just like the cards instruct me on how to apply make-up correctly the Bible can be applied to any situation that I face in life.

One of the greatest things that I like to do before going out on the town is turning on some music and all the girls getting ready together. Asking each other's advice on what eye shadow goes with this dress, how to wear our hair, or do you have earrings that I can borrow? God created us for fellowship to help encourage and support each other through life. For those circumstances where we are unclear on the instructions and we need to listen to advice from others. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." Often times we are in the habit of tearing each other and ourselves down and this is not what God calls us to do.  Think of all the effort that we put into our appearance: washing our faces, day time moisturizer, night time moisturizer, eye brow maintenance, styling our hair....the list goes on and on. What would we look like if we put half the effort that we do into what we look like on the outside, to what we look like on the inside. We are called to reflect God's love, grace and mercy. What steps are we taking to make sure that our spiritual reflection is something that others want to look at and admire.

Hope...the accessory that goes with everything!

So this blog entry is a complete confessional of where I was a couple of weeks ago. Our lives our journeys that have ups and downs and ups and down...it's how we view each adventure and the lessons that we walk away with that truly shape the person we are becoming.

Feeling overwhelmed with life over the past few months would seem like an understatement. However in true BCB fashion I like to pretend like I can do everything and not need anyone's help in the process. I am not quite sure when my superhero complex started but I truly think that I wear an invisible tiara and cape everyday and can face any challenge. Since going back to school it has become a learning process of how to balance work, school, social life, and not to mention my DVR! Last semester was the toughest I have had to face yet. I was taking a Psychology and Philosophy class, the Philosophy class required any where from 15-20 hours of work a week! Now did I mention that I still work full time and like to sleep...this was not working into my schedule. I just kept telling myself that it was only 8 weeks and I could survive anything for 8 weeks. I should also mention the fact that when I don't get enough sleep or downtime I can get cranky...mama needs her occasional naps!

 Well I finally made it to the final week, just a few more days and I  would have this semester behind me. Then one of the most tragic and devastating things happened to me..my beloved Buffy died.

 I came home from work and she was the type of cat that would always meet me at the door. For some reason I just knew something was off that day but when I came home I just knew. I rushed to my bedroom and looked under my bed...there she was lying so still... I called her name and nothing. She was taking gasping breaths and I knew that she was dying. The luxury you don't have when you live alone is the opportunity to freak out or fall apart. I had to snap myself together and come up with a plan. I took her to the vet because I couldn't watch her die and didn't want her to suffer. When the vet took her back to put her to sleep she actually took her last breath...of course I had to make a joke and say thanks Buffy for not giving me a final vet bill. I made it all the way to the car before I lost it, it's like my brain went numb and I couldn't even think. Now I have three days to finish the hardest semester I have had so far and my brain doesn't work. A part of me had to push aside the mental breakdown that I wanted to have and deserved to have until I could get this work finished. I was able to finish only through the strength of God with about an hour to spare, managed an A in Psychology and a B in Philosophy.

I had no idea how hard I would take Buffy dying...we had been together for 13 years. She was my companion in life since I was 19 years old. She was a constant in my life. We had been through everything together. Everyday she would meet me at the door and sleep next to me every night. You take for granted the constant things in your life. Her meow was interesting to say the least...it was more like a bird chirping. My home is now so quiet. Some days I just think that she is sleeping in another room. An interesting aspect has been my other cat Templeton and his grieving. I truly think that he is depressed that his best friend isn't around. Together we are getting through it..I know there are traces of a crazy cat lady inside of me but I believe that pets are the furry family that we choose. They are always there for us no matter what.

So into a depression I slid, through overwhelming circumstances and the loss of Buffy I was in a state where I didn't really care. I mean I would continue to go through the motions of work and school even conversations with friends but my sparkle had dimmed. I knew it was still in there but didn't have the energy or desire to try and find it.I knew that the devil was throwing a party at my behavior. A couple of weeks ago I went to church for the first time in a month. You see when I withdraw it's from everyone..God included. Which is really silly because can we really run from God...no!

During the sermon the pastor was talking about our storms in life. He shared with us some scripture in Romans 5:1-5 "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^[ have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we^] also glory in our sufferings,because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." In that moment I realized that I wasn't just in funk but I had actually allowed myself to get in a state of hopelessness.


Since moving to Atlanta I can't say that things have turned out exactly the way that I thought. Didn't work for the first seven months and then the doctor who moved me up here quit and our work dynamic completely changed. I set way to high of expectations on myself as well in what I was going to do when I moved to Atlanta. A good  friend of mine say that expectations are just preconceived disappointments..he is completely true! I had allowed several circumstances to steal my hope. Where are we without hope? In a very bad place. The verses in Romans reminded me that our times of suffering produces character, which produces perseverance, which produces hope. If there is one thing I can always remain hopeful in is God's promises. God uses difficult times in our lives to draw us closer to Him not withdraw. When I could settle this truth in my heart my attitude changed. Nothing in my life is any different than the day before except for the place that my mind and heart are in, the hope and joy that I have in the Lord will sustain me through whatever may lie ahead. Everyday I have to remind myself to spend time with the Lord. Either through devotionals, music, or prayer. He longs for us to have an intimate relationship with Him.I prayed asking Him to replace the loneliness, grief, depression, sadness, hopelessness in my heart with grace, truth, peace, joy and hope.  So of course after owning this truth my first thought was to get a tattoo...I mean isn't that the next logical step riiight!

The reason I felt compelled to get this tattoo was to remind me everyday who I need to have hope in...not others and especially not myself but in my glorious and amazing Father and Lord! It represents the infinite hope that we can have in God and His promises for each of us. I am not under any delusional ideas that I will not be overwhelmed or struggle in life again but I am confident that I won't go through it alone and that it always plays a part in God's  plan for my life.

A colorful mess...

Recently I participated in the Color Run. A charity run for a local children's hospital in which you start off wearing a white shirt and throughout the 5K you get hit with four different colors and during the finale about every other color imaginable! We had a team of four called "The Amazing Grace" in honor of Easter weekend. As you can see we started off looking so clean and cute.

Now this isn't one of those serious 5K's where you are trying to finish first. The purpose is more to have fun and support a good cause. Our team was determined to walk away a hot colorful mess. First through the yellow station, then green, pink, and finally purple. We let them throw it straight in our faces, all over the front and back of us, as well as laying down in it. Ok so I was the only one who laid down in it but hey purple is my favorite color :) And then the finale was a countdown to color explosion. It was an intense haze of colored powder and you could barely see right in front of you until the dust settled.

  

Post Finale

Throughout the day I kept talking with Emily about how much fun we had on our adventure. Then God revealed to me an insight for what we experienced. I do love when He relates lessons to my everyday life. Just like in the Color Run we all start off looking pretty clean and cute. Then we start our race through life. Picking up color from the choices that we make and the lifestyle that we lead. Just like running through each color station we looked forward to what would happen and enjoyed it. Many things that we do in life seem like fun in the moment, however we walk away with an imprint of the choices we made or what happened to us. Moving right along to the next choice...each color layering itself on top of each other. In fact sometimes we really enjoy bad choices in life..wallowing in them just as I rolled around in the purple station. At one point I was so excited that I screamed during a color throw and got pink straight in my mouth! Now this was not an enjoyable part of the day. Same is true for life...we start off enjoying something and then some circumstance happens and changes our view. Most of the time we recover and move one. Sometimes we aren't so lucky. The finale scene was intense, you are all smashed together in a giant crowd and can barely hear yourself. Once the colors are thrown you can't even see right in front of you. Isn't life like that sometime?. You feel like you are lost in a crowd and can't see your way out...can't see until the dust settles.

Life is a race where we make decisions at every turn. Each choice leaves an impression on us and shapes who we become. After the Color Run I got to go home and get a shower to wash it all away. The only way to wash away all the stuff that sticks to us in life is to go to God and confess and allow Him to wash us clean. I was more mindful of this fact since the run was right before Easter.  I am one hot colored mess sometimes but I am truly blessed and grateful that the God I serve is always there to dust me off and send me on His way!

A dangerous prayer...

So I find this image of praying hands and the first thing that I think is man why aren't my own nails painted so that I could have just taken a picture of them :) Already I am distracting myself from my own blog!

On Sunday the message in church was on vengeance. My first thoughts were well I will file some of this stuff away because I am not a vengeful person. Oh contraire sassy...there are actually subtle forms of vengeance. Hmm, I didn't know this. Alright I am listening,  please continue..the speaker proceeds to talk about how avoidance, holding a grudge, suppression, and tearing people apart with your words are all forms of subtle vengeance. I leaned over to my friend and said I don't think I want to hear anymore today because I am becoming convicted. Isn't that so typical, go to church to learn something and I want out the moment it gets personal. Instead of avoidance we should engage with the people we are pushing away. Holding a grudge is not doing anyone any good so just let go. Suppressing our frustrations allows for things to build up to volatile levels so you should speak up when you are hurt or frustrated. Instead of tearing each other apart we should be lifting each other up and encouraging one another. 

As I left church this message weighed heavy on my heart. Having 3 out of 4 didn't seem like a good thing but the bigger question was what did I need to do about it??? The biggest point I walked away with on Sunday was that if we harbor these things in our hearts we aren't allowing Christ into those places. He begs us to let go of all these things and allow in Him. My thoughts were geez Lord, do you want everything! Why can't I keep some of these things? That isn't what He desires from us. He wants everything that we have...the good, the bad, and the down right disgusting.

So last night I prayed a very dangerous prayer. I asked God if He would reveal those parts of my heart that I have tried to lock Him out of, to bring to the surface things in my life that need to be replaced with Him, and to give me the strength to deal with this process. Before I said those words I asked myself are you really ready to invite Him in to those inner rooms? Are you ready to have your life drastically changed by what He has planned for you? So with a deep breath I began to pray...

25 Things You Don't Know About Me

My first blog of the new year will be a tribute to my favorite magazine..US Weekly!  Love the segment where stars list 25 things you may or may not know about them so here's my list...


1.   I am addicted to reality TV i.e. Real Housewives, Toddlers and Tiaras, Jerseylicious.
2.   I am afraid of sharks but would like to do a cage dive.
3.   I love to tap dance.
4.   I have an L6...most people only have 5 lumbar vertebrae.
5.   I love to watch Disney cartoons...even if there aren't any kids around.
6.   As I kid I wanted a white tiger as a pet.
7.   My dream vacation would be to Bora Bora.
8.   For my 30th birthday one of my parties was a the skating rink!
9.   I hate horror movies, can't even watch the commercials.
10.    My love language is sarcasm.
11.   My two favorite TV series are Buffy the Vampire slayer and Gilmore Girls.
12.   I have to chew gum when I do cardio.
13.   Jaws scared me so bad as a kid that I was afraid to sleep in my water bed, to this day I    
        still hear the music when I am in the ocean.
14.   I sometimes wear a tiara while I clean my apartment.
15.   I have a shoe obsession! 
16.   I love to do a double feature at the movies, popcorn is a great substitute for dinner.
17.   If I weren't afraid of the dark I would be a spy.
18.   I am allergic to Degree deodorant.
19.   I have stage fright... love to sing but can't do it solo in front of a crowd.
20.   I love to take pictures.
21.   I think I was a mermaid in a past life...love to swim!
22.   I love to arrange flowers and if I ever had a floral shop I would name it the Petal    
        Princess.
23.  I like to start IV's on people...most of my patients refer to me as a vampire.
24.   My first car was a red 64 1/2 red mustang.
25.   I dream of writing a book one day about how to be a sassy confident woman of God.

One year later....

Last week I celebrated my first year in Atlanta. Looking back over the past twelve months it seems like a blur at times. Now I can laugh at how horrible my movers were…I figure if you can come out on the other side with a good story anything is worth going through! My first night in Atlanta was spent on an air mattress in an empty apartment. At that point I didn’t even have the energy to care and just enjoyed laying in front of a fire and praying that I got some rest. After I got settled in we had the EPIC snow storm of 2011. For the first time in my life I was snowed in. This may sound crazy but I will take a hurricane any day...they have a path, you have time to come up with a plan, and to evacuate or not but snow just looks pretty (I mean doesn't it look amazing in that pic) but there is an underlying danger if you try to leave. Needless to say winter and I were not the best of friends. I am now better equipped to handle an actual winter with proper accessories. I have learned to layer and my scarf and coat collection has grown. I mean let’s be honest every situation really comes down to the accessories, right!

One of the best things I did upon moving was get involved in a church. I knew this is where I would meet my new community. After all I am a social creature you can’t have me in solitary for too long! I immediately joined a small group and participated in other events to meet new people. One of the strangest things to me in moving was the emotional response. I have often joked that God was putting me through emotional boot camp, to make up for all those years hiding my feelings. When I would leave small group I would sometimes cry on the way home because I missed “my people”. Then I would pep talk myself by saying what is wrong with you, get it together woman, this is where you live now and you have got to make it work! Having extra time on my hands didn’t help either…way too much time to think about anything and everything. The number one lesson that I learned from this whole experience was that I was far too dependent on myself and my relationships in Gainesville. Realizing that I need to be dependent on God through everything has changed my life. Knowing that He is always there no matter where I go has become a great comfort and confidence for me. Stepping out in trust and faith has only strengthened my relationship with God and I know that He has me in Atlanta for a reason bigger than I can even imagine.

My friends laugh when I use my tag line for 2011 “Well the older I get the less I want to put up with the drama.” Life is too short to make a big deal out of nothing or not give something that is important enough attention. Cherish the friends and family that you have in your life. If you love somebody tell them, if you miss somebody tell them, don’t assume people know how you feel if you can’t even own up to it. Granted this is a scary thing sometimes but you should let people know if they are important to you.  God has blessed me with some pretty amazing people. Ones who I can laugh, cry, and be myself with, that is what is it really all about. To surround yourself with people that you actually want to have in your life.  Every relationship is work and it’s up to each person to decide how much they want to invest. As 2011 comes to a close and I start my second year in Atlanta I have no doubts that I am in for another gloriously bumpy ride.

Commissioned as a hope mentor!

Last week I was finally commissioned as a hope mentor through my church. The process involved a lengthy application and interview. It took me half a day to fill out the application. Beyond wanting to know how I grew up and things that I have deal with in my life they asked your views on certain subjects. Not only your views but they wanted you to provide scripture to back up your beliefs. Well I know what I believe but I am not always certain of where to locate that in the Bible so thankfully I have an awesome book..."Find it Fast in the Bible" :) During the interview I was nervous but of course trying to appear oh so confident. At one point I picked up my glass of water and all my nervous energy was challenged into my left hand and the glass was shaking all the way to my mouth, needless to say no more water for the remainder of the interview! First round passed and now on to 10 weeks worth of training.

I learned so much on how to be a better mentor through this program. I also learned so much more about myself and my own issues. Throughout our lives we are shaped by our environment and much of what shapes us happens in our childhoods. Through this training I have been able to take down a few bricks of the wall that I have built over the years. We all develop certain beliefs that are false. Some examples of these are I must prove that I am right to know I am of worth, I must control my circumstances to be secure, emotions always represent truth, I do not measure up, I am inadequate, or others are to blame how I feel. Once we recognize our own false beliefs they must be replaced with God's truth. I can do all things through Christ, my value and worth are found in Christ, God has made me and accepted me, and I am chosen, righteous, holy, a saint: a new creation are just some of God's loving truths.  I find that when I let my false beliefs take over I have to repeat God's truth like a mantra. Take a few deep breaths and realize where my identity, worth, and help come from.

This week I met with my first care receiver (this is the person wanting to be mentored) and it was awesome! I truly felt God's spirit there guiding the conversation and I can't wait to be a part of her journey. Leaving our first meeting I was affirmed once again by God that this is what He wants from me. Everything that I have experienced over the past ten years has lead me to this place. To experience a moment of clarity where you realize that this is something that God actually created you for is beyond words. We are all new creations when we accept Christ into our lives and have a purpose. What a privilege to partner with God in changing peoples lives. God is in the business of changing people not me. It is only through His guidance and support that I am able to serve in this role.

Beginning of School

So I am starting my third week of school.  The Sunday before the first night I felt like I was back in elementary school...so excited for the next day, can't really go to sleep, wondering what will it be like...however I did not sleep in my clothes like I used to when I was in kindergarten! I couldn't wait to get done with work so that I could go home and log in for school.  As I sit here typing that it seem strange, to log in for school?!?

My, oh my school has changed in the past ten years.  I used to attend classes and have discussion with my classmates now it is done through discussion boards.  Assignments are posted on the web instead of the blackboard. However the program for accessing your classes is actually called Blackboard, go figure! Listening to my professor lecture is through a video instead of in person.  One thing that I do love about online school is the liberty to work at my own pace.  I am learning to be disciplined and put some things aside...such as my TV shows.  Some days my DVR is busting at the seams! I have come to the realization that I watch WAY too much TV..however this isn't changing my show choices but it has opened my eyes to the things that I spend time on.

My first two classes are Theology and Apologetics.  It is nice to be able to explore my faith deeper and learn ways to defend it.  God is teaching me so many things through this journey and I and taking it week by week.  Allowing Him to have control over the situation.  I know pursuing education towards a new career is totally God inspired because I have had a passion ignited for learning.  I never wanted to go back to school and have to study but I find myself craving to learn each lesson. My vocabulary is also expanding. I had to download a dictionary app on my phone since I have to look up about 5-10 words per week that I don't know.  Three of my new favorite words are prolegomena, volitional, and propitiation.  God is also teaching me to prioritize my time...I actually woke up early the other day to read since I wanted to go out of town for the weekend.  Nothing but G-O-D could get me out of bed early!

Life Remodel...please pardon the dust

A few weeks ago I came home from church and God said hey let's have a chat.  My first thought was ok I have a feeling this is going to be a big one.  Last "chat" we had  God told me to pack up and move hundreds of miles away from my home to Atlanta. Step one of this life altering journey. Moving was such a whirlwind experience. After months of contract negotiations my job was secure and it was time to move...in just 6 weeks! Did I mention it was in the middle of the holiday season.  God always likes to make things a little more interesting. So here I was in a new town...just me and God. I knew that God had moved me here for more than a job. He had a bigger plan for me.  Within the 1st month I started attending Buckhead church and joined a small group. I knew that getting into a small group was essential for my survival.  I am a social creature  and can only stay at home watching reality TV for so long.

Month after month goes by and I patiently waiting on the big reveal for my relocation.  At this point I am missing my life in Gainesville, FL.  I had lived there for 12 years since college and had made friends who I consider family and developed a life there.  Why did I have to move to keep waiting? Why I ask...the answer was so that I could develop my relationship with God.  I no longer had a hundred distractions that would silence His voice.  He was teaching me how to be dependent on Him.  I have always been a very good at being dependent on myself. That's probably the middle child in me but to depend on someone else is a much harder task. 

God said to me...BCB I want you to spend some time with you this afternoon.  What else can you say but yes. It's not like I could tell the Lord weeellll can we do this in like an hour or so I have Toddler and Tiaras and Housewives on DVR and I really want to catch on my shows. No, not really an option. He then proceeds to reveal to me that He wants me to go back to school. Umm excuse me (twisting my finger in my ear) did I hear you correctly? Yes after 10 years of graduating college as a nuclear medicine technologist He wants me to go back and pursue a degree in christian counseling.  I firmly believe that God has been preparing me for that exact moment over the past 10 years.  All the the counseling and mentoring I have done has shaped this passion.  I want people to understand that their identity and worth comes from Christ.

It is amazing that God had to move me into solitary confinement to get me to truly listen. There is no more of an opportune time to go on this adventure than now.  I am not over committed or too busy like I was in Gainesville.  I have the time now to truly devote to going back to school.  So here I am walking down a path that God had planned for me all along. 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

God declares that He has plans for us. The key is having a deep relationship with Him and allowing Him to guide our everyday lives.  Amazing what happens when you quit focusing on the puzzle pieces and step back to take a look at the whole thing.  So starting September 19, I will begin my first college class in ten years at Liberty University in their online psychology program with an emphasis in christian counseling.  All the reservations I had about going back to school have been  pushed aside and replaced with excitement for this new phase in my life.   Told a friend the other day can you imagine all the things I will learn about counseling...her reply "are you going to start charging your friends for advice now?" Ha!!! 

Sparkle like you mean it!



A dear friend refers to me as her sparkly friend.  I know this reference comes from my love of accessories. I am a total magpie when it comes to something shiny.  Earrings, bracelets, rings, purses, shoes.....I have so many that I don't even try to count them and I continually bring home more.  You know because I need them lol! The reasons that I like sparkly things is because it makes me smile and therefore produces happiness and joy.

"I am the light of the world. Men crawl through their lives cursing the darkness, but all the while I am shining brightly. I desire each of My followers to be a light-bearer. The Holy Spirit who lives in you can shine from your face, makin Me visible to people around you, as you wend your way through this day. Hold my hand in joyful trust, for I never leave your side. The light of my presence is shining upon you. Brightnen up the world by reflecting who I am." Excerpt from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Did you know that God calls us to sparkle? The Holy Spirit lives inside us and because of this we can be a reflection of God.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16 NIV)

We are to be out for all the world to see relecting our Heavenly Father. As the verse says we are not supposed to keep this gift to ourselves.  We are supposed let our light shine...come on sing it with me....this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine :)

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  (John 8:12)

Jesus reminds us in John that whoever follows Him will never walk in darkness.  If there is one terrifying thing to me it is being in the dark.  So much so that I pretty much have a flashlight in about every room in my apartment just in case the lights go out.  Jesus is the light of the world and the more time that we spend with Him the more we focus on the light instead of the darkness.  We all go through some dark times in our lives. Life happens to us or because of us but we always have a choice as to how we react towards trials and tribulations in our lives.  What do you choose to focus on? Do you focus on your circumstances or the One who can get you through this time in your life? What we choose to focus on is the same thing that we are going to reflect to those around us.

Just as I could not go without at least one accessory on each day, I can't go through life without my Lord and Savior.  He is where I find my true identity and worth. So as you head out each day remember to sparkle like you mean it! Reflect God's light and love to the world around you.  You have no idea what a difference it will make in somebody's life.....especially your own.

Easter.....a time for celebration and reflection

This Easter is the first year that I have not celebrated with either family or close friends.  Having moved to Atlanta only a few months ago I am still establishing relationships within my church.  The plan was to go home but we all know how best laid plans turn out....due to an extremely expensive headlight (why oh why did I have to get the top of the line Maxima) I had to cancel going home for Easter.  At first this upset me a little but I know that God has a hand in everything.  The lessons He revealed to me this weekend would not have happened if I had been home.  By not leaving town I had the extra time to really seek Him.

On Friday I had lunch with a new friend and went with her to volunteer in the Good Friday service.  We were like communion warriors! Preparing the elements for two services that night.....over 300 trays of grape juice!!! Then I had the pleasure of serving communion which was a first for me.  How humbling to present the elements that remind us of Jesus' sacrifice for us. Standing on the side lines of the sanctuary, the room was filled wall to wall with people.  A thought ran across my mind....what if each of us did our part? There is probably about 2,000 people in this room....what if we all listened to our heavenly Father and did what He asked of us.  That would make our world a much different place.

The night before Easter I decided to read of the account in Matthew.  Funny how at Christmas time we always read the story of Jesus' birth but I can't really ever remember reading about His death before Easter.  It breaks my heart to read how he was plotted against, beaten and betrayed.  All for a greater purpose. All for us. Easter is a celebration of our Lord's resurrection but this year I was given insight into two other aspects.

First was when Judas decided to betray Jesus in Matthew 26:14-16...

"¹⁴ Then one of the Twelve—the one called Judas Iscariot—went to the chief priests ¹⁵ and asked, “What are you willing to give me if I deliver him over to you?” So they counted out for him thirty pieces of silver. ¹⁶ From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand him over. "

Judas obviously betrayed the trust of Jesus but another definition of betrayal is to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; God has expectations of us and we betray Him time and time again. Judas betrayed Jesus for 30 silver coins.  We do the same and for what? For fame, wealth, status, glory, power....what is it that is more important to you than living up to God's expectations.

The second revelation for me comes in Matthew 28: 16-20...

"¹⁶ Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. ¹⁷ When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. ¹⁸ Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” "

After Jesus had been resurrected he meets up with his disciples. To reveal to them that he was indeed alive but to also give them a commission.  He leaves each of us with that commission as well.. I don't know about you but I think it is the least that I can do for all that He has done for me.  Christ bore crucifixion and death to pay for all of our sins.  As it was prophesied in Isaiah 53: 5 " But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed."

Obedience to Christ should not be out of guilt or duty but out of the love that we have for Him. 

Strong woman versus a woman of strength...

I found this poem through email a while ago but when I moved a few of my friends made it into a piece of artwork. It hangs right next to my bed and I find myself reading it often...always striving to be a woman of strength.

A strong woman works out every day
to keep her body in shape
but a woman of strength looks deep inside
to keep her soul in shape

A strong woman isn't afraid
of anything
but a woman of strength shows courage
in the midst of her fear

A strong woman won't let anyone
get the best of her
but a woman of strength gives the best
of her to everyone

A strong woman makes mistakes
and avoids the same in the futurebut a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes
can also be blessings and capitalizes on them

A strong woman walks
sure footedly
but a woman of strength knows
when to ask for help

A strong woman wears the look
of confidence on her face
but a woman of strength
wears grace

A strong woman has faith
that she is strong enough for the journey
but a woman of strength has faith
that it is in the journey that she will become strong

Oh how I love my GPS!

One of my most treasured items that I have since moving to the big city is my GPS! After a few weeks of bonding I finally picked out a name...Anastasia. She has been a life saver. Many times showing me where I needed to go. Grocery store, mall, post office , church, etc... Funny thing about my GPS is that I do whatever she tells me without question. This is kinda strange because I don't like anybody telling me what to do...yeah I am kind of stubborn that way :) 

I was given an awesome devotional "Jesus calling" by Sarah Young. Every day it emphasizes that God has a plan for each of us but that is dependent on our trust in Him and continually staying in communication to hear exactly what He wants us to do or where He wants us to be.

Isaiah 30:21

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Just as Anastasia prompts me with directions of right turn ahead or take the freeway, God also gives us directions. Sometimes prompting us to move forward, stay where we are, or retreat and never look back. The one key element for these instructions is to get plugged in and listen. Your GPS doesn't do you any good sitting in your glove compartment. Well neither does your bible do you any good sitting on a shelf collecting dust. Whether we realize it or not we have the awesome privilege of owning bibles, being able to express our faith in public, and worship our God without fear of persecution.

Psalm 32:8
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

In this verse there are four promises that God makes to us on our journey. That He will instruct and teach us but He doesn't just stop once He equips us with knowledge. He also promises to counsel and watch over us. This is indicative of a relationship. God isn't in the business of just teaching us and once we learn the ropes we are set out on our own...left to our own devices. That's what happens when you are in a new city with your GPS. You are so dependent on it in the beginning...after time you learn your way around and eventually you don't need to use it very often. God doesn't want that kind of relationship with us. He craves for a daily dependent relationship with you and me. He leads us step by step but we have to be willing to do what He asks and this doesn't always coincide with "our" agenda, now does it.  However who has the bigger picture perspective..us or God??

We are under the false assumption that we know what is best for us and don't even think about consulting with our heavenly Father. Every choice that we make turn us down a path...sometimes it is the right one and other times we have to recalculate to find our way back to God. The most important thing is that God never leaves us...He is always waiting with an outstretched hand ready for us to follow Him.

Plans.....sometimes they work out and other times not so much!

As every new year rolls around so do the plans. Plans to get in better shape, plans not to be so stressed out, plans to be more spontaneous and do something different..with planning comes expectations.  Expectations that are sometimes met but often times we are faced with disappointment. 

The biggest planning situation of my life has been relocating to Atlanta, Ga.  The reason for such a big move was for a job opportunity and because God said that it was time to go.  You know when He tells you it's time you really can't ignore that!  Everything happened so quickly and I had to burst into action planning.  Getting moving quotes, finding a place to live, forwarding my mail ...the list goes on and on. The movers are supposed to come on Monday and deliver my stuff on Tuesday. Sounds easy enough right? Well Monday rolls around and I still haven't heard from the movers, so I give them a call.  They aren't coming until Tuesday.  Ok mild frustration sets in but no big deal.  I can be flexible and I have plenty of things to finish up. Waiting in anticipation on Tuesday for the moving truck to arrive at 2:00 pm...well they finally arrive at 6:30 pm!!! At this point I am beyond frustrated and ready to get everything loaded and on my way.  Did I mention that I had to be in Atlanta by lunch time on Wednesday. 

Trying to be hopeful that my furniture would arrive by Thursday...fast forward to Saturday when the moving truck finally arrived. However it would have been way to easy to just unload the furniture no we need one more curve ball.  They say that they can't fit the moving truck into the complex.  At this point I am exhausted, stressed, and beyond amused!!! I sit against the wall of my bare living room feeling desperate. In that moment I know of the only one who can make this move happen.  Sitting there with nothing left I prayed.  I prayed to a God of power over impossibility and from where I was sitting this looked like an impossible situation. Finally they got the truck through (the same way I suggested an hour before but you know that nobody listens to a woman, HA!) and my all my stuff was finally mine again.

As the new year started I resolved to do a daily devotion. The first day had a verse that I needed to be reminded of during this new step...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

No matter what our plans may be, ultimately God has a plan for us.  It says "declares the Lord". To declare means to announce, this isn't God sending a vague message or whispering. NO, He is stating very clearly that He has plans for us.  During my relocation I was at the mercy of my movers.  Waiting on when they would show up, empty promises and frustration. Listen very closely...we don't have to wait for God to show up. He is ALWAYS there and always has the plan for us.  Question is... are you ready to listen?

I had a great life in Gainesville, FL but one day God looked at me and said are you ready?  With His hand extended what else could I say but yes Father!